Roses Are Red. Blood Tongue is Too. Weird Food Poetry by Jimmy Ray.

silkworm pupae
Korean silk worm pupae at The Prince in Koreatown, Los Angeles.

I have a new myspace friend. His name is Jimmy Ray. Although I discovered him through myspace, Jimmy Ray is neither a minor nor a congressional page. But he did write a little poem about odd eats which I liked so much that I decided to post it here with Jimmy's permission. This is Deep End Dining's small way of supporting the arts & humanities. Hope you like it.

Strange Delicacies by J. Raymond Davis.

Around the whole wide world
there is some strange cuisine
considered by some delicacies
but to me they're quite obscene

In the Philippines they love balut
In case you didn't know
they keep the egg incubated
and then eat the duck embryo

In the deep south they love chitlins
it's crazy and most incredible
for in school I was never taught
that the alimentary canal was edible

In Mexico they eat menudo
while the sun is bright and shining
what is this tripe, you have to ask
it's merely stomach lining

In China there is a restaurant
they serve penis when you've sat
cold, raw, sliced and pickled
what the fuck is up with that!!!!?

What of a dish known as Haggis
your gorge will rise without fail
It is the stomach of a sheep
stuffed with organs and entrails.

How about some nice sweetbread?
not what the name makes you hope
It's a fatty chunk of horror
a gland in a calf's throat

From Rocky Mountain Oysters
to a simmering kidney pie
pancreas and simmered spleen
I want to scream out...WHY?!

Battered brains and lymph nodes
raw eyeballs and head cheese
chicken feet and a cow's tongue
someone stop the madness please!

From the Cream of Sum Yung Gai
to tree bark and urine smoothies
all I ask is that you please try
to be a little freakin' choosy!

So when they serve up the dogs (not hotdogs!)
and overpriced, jellied fish eggs
I will stick with a plain hamburger
or a nice big fat juicy steak!

copyright 2006,9 j raymond davis

NOTE: For those you think I am squeamish, you have not seen me dine on raw oysters...for those who like to eat ungodly creations, I am including a recipe for Haggis just for you. If you actually prepare and eat it...then you are sick my friend. Seek professional help immediately, as well as a good dietician.

HAGGIS (even the name sounds ungodly!)

* 1 sheep's lung (illegal in the U.S.; may be omitted if not available)
* 1 sheep's stomach
* 1 sheep heart
* 1 sheep liver
* 1/2 lb fresh suet (kidney leaf fat is preferred)
* 3/4 cup oatmeal (the ground type, NOT the Quaker Oats type!)
* 3 onions, finely chopped
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 1 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
* 1/2 teaspoon cayenne
* 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
* 3/4 cup stock

Wash lungs and stomach well, rub with salt and rinse. Remove membranes and excess fat. Soak in cold salted water for several hours. Turn stomach inside out for stuffing.

Cover heart and liver with cold water. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 30 minutes. Chop heart and coarsely grate liver. Toast oatmeal in a skillet on top of the stove, stirring frequently, until golden. Combine all ingredients and mix well. Loosely pack mixture into stomach, about two-thirds full. Remember, oatmeal expands in cooking.

Press any air out of stomach and truss securely. Put into boiling water to cover. Simmer for 3 hours, uncovered, adding more water as needed to maintain water level. Prick stomach several times with a sharp needle when it begins to swell; this keeps the bag from bursting. Place on a hot platter, removing trussing strings. Serve with a spoon. Ceremoniously served with "neeps, tatties and nips" -- mashed turnips, mashed potatoes, nips of whiskey.

You are invited to peruse more of Jimmy Ray's poetry at his myspace blog. Thank you.


Chubbypanda said…
Laughing + Drooling = Choking

- Chubbypanda
Anonymous said…
Bein a half american and half fil (from philippines), I have tried eating the Balut. I swore did not like it. Made me drink 2 shots of tequila afterwards. A lot of people liked it even my American dad.
Anonymous said…
Hey Eddie - So how was the Bondegi???
Eddie Lin said…

that jimmy ray can inspire all kinds of involuntary reactions to his poems.


everybody tells me that i shoulda had some booze with my balut. if i ever come face to face with it again, i won't make the same mistake.


bondegi = cockroach infested flop house in my mouth. horrifying!
Anonymous said…
"In China there is a restaurant
they serve penis when you've sat
cold, raw, sliced and pickled..."

..Is this really true? I cannot believe it. Hehehe.
Eddie Lin said…

you better believe it. if i lie, my nose will grow.
Juliet said…
Whenever my wussy sister gives ne flack about eating, say, intestine, or whatever, I just tell her, "at least I know what it is I'm eating. Do you even want to know what's in the hot dog?" Then she shuts up.
Eddie Lin said…

your sister is eating way more nasty bits than you are when she's eating a hot dog that's for certain. funny!
I'm a meat goat farmer here in Pennsylvania and I've made haggis out of goat instead of sheep, receiving quite the compliment that I actually made something that sounded gross actually taste good. The cooked lungs weren't as bad as I thought, but cleaning the THAT'S gross! Oh yeah, we butcher our own animals, too.

And just so you don't think I'm an idiot about food, I lived in southern CA for 20 years, owned a deli & catering business and worked in a tony little mountain hot spring restaurant in Ojai. I've eaten deep fried wasp larvae with the Chinese, sea cucumber & live fish with the Koreans and plenty of bull testicles dipped in melted butter & crushed garlic, roasted over an open fire on a stick until the end blew off (that's when they're done) and then slapped into a hotdog bun!
Anonymous said…
It’s kind of cute actually, this little fugu. A tiny, embryonic-looking fish with huge eyes and an enormous forehead, barely a tail, and miniscule gimpy-finding-nemo fins, it looks quite innocuous. But oh, mortality! for the predator who pisses little fugu off. The fugu explodes into an enormous ball, armored with deadly spikes, and looks like those military mines planted at the bottom of the sea. The amount of fugu poison that can fit onto a pinhead is enough to kill a man, and all the poison in a single blowfish could kill 30 men. Scary. Well, even in its military form, it’s still kind of cute. In a fish tank.

So leave it to those crazy Japanese (and I say that with the utmost respect,) to make fugu a highly-prized delicacy.

In Japan, they serve complete fugu dinners, with fugu as the star ingredient of each course from fugu sashimi to a type of fugu shabu shabu. Many a person has passed on to his foodie afterlife from eating fugu, and still people eat it. I guess that is the macho rush – the possibility of dying in the name It can only be prepared by a licensed chef, and my understanding is that these guys are only in Japan. The closest thing I’ve ever gotten to eating fugu is eating at Blowfish Sushi, the restaurant, and the only poison I’m putting in my body is cold, clear, and has a light cherry finish (sake).

But there is a place in Los Angeles that actually serves fugu - The Hump, a sushi restaurant located at the Santa Monica Airport, and there is a guy who is actually crazy enough to risk death by fugu poison. Yep, that's right. Eddie Lin of Deep End Dining (yep, he who has eaten duck fetuses and live octopus) has just announced that he will be partaking of fugu at the Hump very very soon.

Eddie has written Part 1 of his fugu adventure, an introduction to what he is about to do, and we are sure that we will see a Part 2 shortly after his fugu feast. The chefs at The Hump are licensed, right?