Follow Me To The Deep End!!

Nov 16, 2012

Little. Yellow. Deceased. Who Killed Twinkie the Kid? Hostess Calls it Quits. The End of a Cream-Filled Icon.

deadtwinkie.jgp
Twinkie (c. 1930 - Nov. 16, 2012).

The demise of the Twinkie is getting everyone all a twitter, including, obviously, on Twitter itself. The sale of the snack cake is spiking as Twinkie aficionados everywhere invade Costcos to hoard cases of Hostess treats, with sales especially high among medical-marijuana cardholders.

Whether you ate them or not, there is no shortage of sweet sentiment over everyone's favorite childhood pastry. So when Hostess announced that they are pulling the plug on Ho Hos, Ding Dongs and Twinkies, the cream-filling in our collective childhoods was suddenly and violently sucked out leaving us with a sad, empty void that can't be filled by Sprinkles or fōnuts

And in following the various stages of death, we move from sponge cake mourning into rage. Now, it's time to pin the blame on somebody.

Hostess itself, of course, is accusing the labor unions of its fate. Although the company was already in bankruptcy previously, it feels this time the workers' strike was the straw that squashed the Ding Dong pack.

The reality is, however, that a healthier America and an aggressive war on childhood obesity is more likely the real killer of Twinkie the Kid and his posse. Moms stopped buying Hostess cakes. Sales went down. Many of those childhood feel-good goodies were also available in public schools all across the U.S. until those Hostess products along with various sugary drinks were banned due to public pressure, government intervention and, maybe, a little help from Jamie Oliver. So, is it Jamie Oliver's fault? (He probably isn't too nostalgic about Twinkies.)

But if you ask Rush Limbaugh, there is only one person to blame — President Obama. In fact, he'd call this "The Assassination of Twinkie the Kid by the Coward Barack Obama". Coming to a theatre near you.

Whoever is responsible for killing Twinkie the Kid, know this: Twinkies don't die. They lie in wait for as long as necessary and will rise with the cockroaches when we are all walking dead. YOLO!

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